Helping Your Child on the Autism Spectrum Cope During The Holidays

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We have been blessed with six beautiful, amazing, precious children.

We love each of them for their individual qualities, talents, strengths, and weaknesses.

We celebrate and admire their personal growth.

It is SO FUN to be a guiding spectator to their amazing lives.

The needs of each of our children vary greatly and are influenced by age, gender, personality, and abilities.

We were blessed with a wonderfully sweet son that was born with Sensory Processing Disorder and has been diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum.

He is verbal and high-functioning so it took years to get the help we needed diagnosing him and finding therapies that helped him.

I am a FIRM believer that you can tell a child’s personality within the first twenty four hours interacting with them as a newborn.

I distinctly remember turning to my husband in our hospital room with our twelve hour old baby son and saying “This doesn’t seem normal for him to be so fussy. We have met all his needs and he is still whining every second he is awake.”

Fast forward ten years and nothing has changed except that now we understand our poor child is overloaded every second of his life with stimuli and is constantly battling to keep himself calm.

We have spent years creating a treatment schedule that helps him cope with his sensitivities and deal with an enormous amount of pent up stress caused by over stimulus in his environment (school, home, community, church, activities).

One therapist explained it so well to me: “Once you truly realize what these kids go through every single day of their lives, you can’t help but be amazed by their bravery for the things they face.”

One of the hardest times of the year for our son is during the holidays.

There is music playing everywhere.

There are bright lights everywhere.

There are extra people everywhere.

There are extra activities to attend everywhere.

We ask SO much of our son just trying to get through basic family traditions.

We have found FOUR STRATEGIES that  have helped our son cope better during the holidays.

Please understand that these are things that work for our son, but may not work for every child on the autism spectrum because no two are alike.

1- Prepare Ahead

Implement whatever strategies help your child the most every day and especially focus on them the day before a big activity.

Our son benefits the most from physical exercise (any type of physical activity) so we make sure that he gets plenty of opportunities to run around outside, sit and bounce on a yoga ball, jump on a small trampoline, or he will sometimes opt to do jumping jacks or push-ups in the mornings because he knows that he will feel better during the day if he does.

Not only do we have him do a lot of physical activity the day before, we also take opportunities before, during, and after the holiday activity to let him run around and burn off some of that pent up stress.

Another critically important way to help an autistic child prepare for an upcoming activity is to make sure they understand exactly what is going to happen at the activity and what is expected of them (you will be playing with your cousins, we will be taking a family picture, we will have to wait in line).

2-  Control the Environment

Of course you can’t control every aspect of many holiday environments, but you would be surprised at how much you can control.

If you are going to a family party, they will probably ask you what activities would be appropriate for your child and know how to keep the atmosphere calm for your child.

Community parties or events are a whole different story but there are still a lot of things you can do to help your child.

If loud noises bother your child you can have them wear noise cancelling headphones or maybe ear buds in their ears playing soft soothing music, and stay as far away as possible from the live music source.

If bright lights bother your child have them try wearing their sunglasses or try to stick to the corners of large rooms because they are usually not as well lit.

If crowds bother your child, plan to attend an all-day event early in the morning while most people are still at work and school or if it is a party, plan to attend right at the beginning when there are fewer people and only stay until your child is starting to get overwhelmed and is ready to leave.

3- Monitor Your Child

All parents of autistic children become professionals at interpreting their child’s behaviors and know how their child is feeling and when they need to intervene.

The problem with holiday events is that no matter how much you intend to watch your child’s needs every moment, it is easy to get caught up in the festivities.

There are family members to visit with, or beautiful sights to see, or several other children you are trying to build memories with.

It is easy to get distracted but your autistic child needs you now more than ever.

It takes a conscious effort to keep your child’s needs at the forefront of your attention.

Sometimes if my son is just starting to get overwhelmed I will have him come and sit right by me so that he has a chance to calm down and so that there is no way that I can get distracted from his needs.

4- Thank Your Child

I always try to talk to my son privately after a holiday event and thank him for choosing to participate.

I don’t overdo it with praise, I simply acknowledge that I know it was hard for him and I appreciate him trying so hard to stay calm.

I have noticed that when I pull my son aside before an activity to prepare him for what is going to happen and then pull him aside after to talk about how it went, he is very open about what bothered him during the activity so that we can brainstorm together how to fix it for next time.

We recently went to take pictures with Santa Claus in a crowded Christmas Festival.

We prepared our son for the wait in line and the expectation that he needed to smile in the photo, we went early in the morning and did the photo very first thing when we arrived, I watched him carefully while we waited in line and intervened as needed to keep him calm, and when we were done I thanked him sincerely for taking the picture for me.

I have thanked him several times since then (whenever I look at the cute picture) because he struggled so hard to stay calm while waiting in line.

The world’s beautiful children on the autism spectrum deserve our love and thanks for their bravery and strength every day but especially around the holidays.

Reach out to these children, ask their parents how you can help or accommodate them during your next party, and especially support their caregivers in any way you can.

Please share this article using the buttons below with anyone you think could benefit from it or add their valuable ideas for helping children on the autism spectrum cope during the holidays.

We hope your family’s holidays are beautiful and bright!